Sexual Purity

Before I dive into the nitty-gritty of this piece, I will give a little insight into why I decided to do this piece. I am not belittling people who have engaged in pre-marital sex or see nothing wrong with it. It is a choice we make, and we live by our choices. This is my opinion and conviction based on my religion, conversations with people and the research work I have read.

I was having a conversation with a guy I had met just once. We exchanged numbers, and we conversed on the phone as friends. One day he said he would come to visit me. I thought it was a harmless visit because, I mean, I saw him as a friend. So I was shocked when the conversation started with, how do you keep yourself warm in Australia especially living by yourself. And I was like, eh, what do you mean? I have my electric blanket and heater, so that keeps me warm. And he was like, I mean a man, and he was making to hold me, but I gently moved away and told him to stay in his lane. But that got me thinking about how the idea of sex has been reduced to something that can be done just for its fun. Sometimes no meaning is attached to it.

I don't know if there has ever been a time when it has been this difficult to be a casual friend or find a serious partner of the opposite sex who does not expect to have sex with you. Like how did we get here? Where has the sanctity of sex gone? Or when did men stop respecting boundaries and expect to have sex just because they are in a relationship?

Some women activists believe women have the freedom to use their bodies as they choose and not expect their bodies to be policed. They believe that religion restricts women from expressing themselves and that sexual purity is policing women's bodies. Amid their advocacy for women's freedom, could it be that they have given men the liberty to or make them feel entitled to have sex with women indiscriminately and not respect a woman's body?

Societal Reasons for having Pre- Marital sex

From my conversation with people backed by research, the most common reason why people want to have sex before marriage is;

Sexual Compatibility: In my many conversations about my failed relationships with guys, I refuse to have pre-marital sex. When I ask them why they think sex before marriage is ok, they always say I need to know that we are sexually compatible. They will always say I need to test and see that I will enjoy having sex with her and that she can please me. And I am like, what does that even mean. Like seriously, just like everything else, learning to please your partner after marriage is beautiful because you learn together and explore things. So what, when you have sex with someone before marriage, and you are not sexually compatible, you leave them and then unto the next one like are you for real? Is the person a sex toy you buy off the shelf, and if you don't like it after a test run, you return it and pick another one? I wish they realise how ridiculous they sound when they say things like that.

Love: But then they bring in, oh but if we are in love and will eventually get married, why not have sex. And I am na, and if you love me then, you should respect my boundaries, principles, and my decision to keep myself till my wedding night and not try to poke me and push me to give in. That is not love.

Implications of Pre-marital sex.

So let us talk about the implications of pre-marital sex;

Transfer of Energy: Having sexual intercourse is a spiritual exercise, and people of other religious beliefs agree on this. It allows partners have intimate knowledge of each other, but above all, there is a bond that develops when you have sexual intercourse with a man.

Technically your body is a temple and a vessel, and it is meant to be worshipped, revered and adored. In addition, people are spiritual beings, and you may not be aware of the spirits different people carry. When you allow them access to your temple without a spiritual knowledge of who they are and what spirit they possess, you let them deposit their energy into your vessel. This often negatively impacts the female because it can leave a trail of emotions behind them, which can flow into her marriage in the future.

Clouds one's judgment: sex in a relationship clouds judgment; you overlook what is essential in a relationship, including intellectual, social compatibility and behavioural traits. As such, one tends to ignore the red flags until it is too late.

Reasons against Pre-Marital sex.

I don't know about you, but I feel so happy learning something new for the first time. And it is such a delight for you and your spouse to embark on a learning journey together, especially what makes you tick in bed and different ways to spice up your sexual relationship. This does not mean that people who have had previous sexual partners can't learn something new or look for other ways to spice up their sexual life, but it is just not the same because most often, they are trying to teach each other what their previous partners used to do that made them happy and it this point, you are bring ing in a third party into your marriage.

Also, contrary to the belief that you need to know that you are sexually compatible before getting married. Having multiple sexual partners before marriage loosens the bond over time as the partners increase because, at a point, you will feel that your new partner is not as sexually satisfying as the previous ones did, so what happens? You look for other avenues to satisfy your sexual urge. But when you have practised sexual purity, you do not have any other sexual partner to compare to, so the risk of not feeling cheated in terms of sexual satisfaction is limited because I mean there is nothing to compare to and you just assume it is what it is. I believe in this context I will agree ignorance is bliss, because what is really the point of having all this sexual knowledge with multiple partners when it will not eventually help you in your marriage?. No two individuals are the same and so their sexual preferences will differ.

I know I am not an expert in this subject and don't have personal experience. But I listen a lot to my married friends and I read, which has helped me stay true to myself. There are research studies that have backed up abstaining from pre-marital sex. I find that exciting to see that these research works confirm what the bible says about pre-marital sex. As a Christian, I know it is not easy, especially when a lot of your relationship ends because of your boundaries, but it is worth it.

I always feel good knowing I have my standards and that I am strong enough to keep them regardless of what happens, even if it means saying goodbyes to the relationships I want. What matters to me is honouring God with my body and living for him.